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“The secret of being wrong isn’t to avoid being wrong! The secret is being willing to be wrong. The secret is realizing that wrong isn’t fatal. The only thing that makes people and organizations great is their willingness to be not great along the way.” - Seth Godin In my book Listening without Agenda, I discuss a few items about curiosity and the willingness to be wrong. It has resonated with me a lot lately as I am watching the news. When it comes to listening, one good practice is entering into a conversation always thinking we might be wrong. Let’s face it, we are all wrong a lot, probably more than we think we are.
For many people, this is the opposite of what we do when we make mistakes. How many times have you beat yourselves up for doing something wrong? “God, I am so stupid. I can’t believe I did that! Ugh!” This message sends us into a tailspin of self-depreciation in the guise of contrition, as if beating ourselves up will make the mistake any better or make it go away. The energy we spend on berating ourselves can also be spent on improving. To do that, we have to be willing to be wrong, accept the new reality, and then build on it (yes, and). It means letting go of our ego. “For Socrates and his contemporaries, losing an argument or being wrong about something was not a failure or a source of shame and embarrassment,” says author Michael McQueen in a Fast Company article about how to change people’s minds. “Quite the contrary. The feeling associated with being tripped up in an argument or realizing you were incorrect was described as a moment of enlightenment, self-knowledge, and freedom. They had a name for it: aporia.” “According to modern philosopher James Garvey, the ancient notion of aporia was ‘a weightless moment as you float free of the mental rut you were in—you stop, your eyes narrow, and no words come to you.’ This feeling of aporia represented a wonderful opportunity to move in a new intellectual direction and grasp new possibilities.” Isn’t it a much nicer way to think of it rather than, “Wow, I screwed up… I am so stupid…” The word aporia means “no path,” and it’s what losing an argument or being wrong about a point once represented. It’s not a moment of shame and embarrassment. It is a moment of experiencing a liberating and exhilarating feeling to be in unfamiliar territory where the next step is unclear. In their pursuit of this intellectual free-fall, the ancient Greeks would argue passionately for hours, but not with the intention of dominating their opponent. Aporia was their aim—enlightenment. Let’s think about this as a mindset for entering into any business situation. How many meetings have you been in where your boss seemed to really be interested in listening to discover their own blind spots? Where they seemed interested in learning something which would put them in unfamiliar territory where their next step was unclear? I would venture to say not often, or possibly never. I do not see examples of this in Politics today. As I watch the news, I also tune into other news channels so I can broaden my understanding and perhaps see a different side of a story. Many news channels spend their time justifying mistakes and failures, rather than owning up to the issue at hand. I know I listen from my own point of view. I acknowledge that. And I also listen with the values I believe in; to be of service, to care about others, to support those in need. You know, the things you learned in Sunday school. As a leader, the first step is to start by willingly admitting you don’t know everything and admit mistakes. The old days of traditional command-and-control management doesn’t hold up in today’s workplace. And it certainly isn’t holding up in the White House. Employees quickly lose respect for leaders who are unwilling to recognize their own mistakes, or their own fallibility, or share the fact they were wrong. This can have a more detrimental effect on a team and the culture of an organization than making a bad decision. Employees quickly lose respect for leaders who cover up mistakes and don’t take ownership. I observe this a lot in leaders—the inability to admit they made a mistake. In an article in Psychology Today about psychological rigidity, Guy Winch writes that some people have such a fragile ego, such brittle self-esteem, such a weak “psychological constitution,” that admitting they made a mistake or that they were wrong is fundamentally too threatening for their egos to tolerate. Accepting they were wrong, absorbing that reality, would be so psychologically shattering that their defense mechanisms do something remarkable to avoid doing so— they literally distort their perception of reality to make it (reality) less threatening. Their defense mechanisms protect their fragile ego by changing the very facts in their mind, so they are no longer wrong or culpable. If you are never wrong, then why try to make things great again? They already are! And if it doesn’t work, it is the fault of saboteurs, past presidents, and (God forbid) the free press that stifles my loud incorrect voice… It’s time to start having some fierce conversations.
We all make mistakes. The choice is clear – double down and lose more or own it and learn from it. Let’s learn from this mistake. Let’s allow for some enlightenment.
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 A recent article in Forbes Magazine quoted Amazon's CEO Andy Jaffey as saying, "The day a leader stops learning, he cautions, is the day they begin to lose relevance—and with it, their capacity to drive future growth."
Jassy also champions intellectual humility as a defining trait of strong leadership. Being right, he says, isn’t about asserting dominance. It’s about discernment, active listening, and the willingness to rethink. “The best leaders want to hear others’ views. They don’t wilt or bristle when challenged; they’re intrigued.” This takes a level of learning to listen. Luckily, there is a book on Amazon that can help: a.co/d/bgQ2FzQ  The World Economic Forum has listed the top 5 skills workers need by 2025:
- Analytical thinking - Active learning - Complex problem-solving - Critical thinking - Creativity & initiative There’s a powerful skill behind them all: the ability to listen. Listening builds trust. It fuels innovation. It helps us lead with clarity and empathy. In a world that’s changing fast, communication isn’t a “nice to have” — it’s the foundation of everything. 🧠 Want to future-proof your skills? Start by listening with intention. https://www.improvmindset.com/listening.html.  Trust is a hot topic right now—and for good reason.
When trust breaks down, companies don’t just lose employees; they lose momentum, innovation, and long-term growth. Trust isn’t built in grand gestures—it’s built in everyday moments. When leaders listen, follow through, and empower their teams, trust strengthens. But when they don’t? Disengagement, high turnover, and stagnation take over. So, what builds trust? Listening. Listen to what your employees are saying. Ignoring feedback makes employees feel unheard and undervalued. The biggest lesson I’ve learned? Listening isn’t passive—it’s a power move. Leaders who listen well create stronger, more resilient teams. How are you building trust in your workplace? #ListenwithoutAgenda #Trust #Communication #ImprovMindset Check out the info about The Book  Ai is a game changer.
Yet nothing can replace human connection. When it comes to sales, management and leadership, your listening skills are the key difference to building empathy and developing relationships. In an article in HR Executive magazine, Author Mimi Nicklin says "connection is crucial, especially in a world where 51% of the global workforce is actively seeking an exit from their current roles, and 52% of employees report feeling chronically lonely." The solution, Nicklin asserts, lies not in retention strategies or performance reviews but in fostering a culture of belonging. “The answer is in ‘listening-led leadership’—a leadership approach that connects our leaders to their people in understanding, curiosity and, yes, organizational empathy.” It's time to learn how to listen. #Listenwithoutagenda #improvmindset  For the sake of employee engagement and retention, learning how to actively listen has become a mandatory skill for leaders.
And yet very few MBA's include classes on how to effectively listen. Now there is a resource for leaders. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0DSG2F9WC  As AI and automation reshape the workplace, empathy and human connection are more critical than ever.
AI can process data, but it can’t pick up the subtleties and nuances of what is really happening. People are like icebergs: What we see and hear are the 10% above the water. The 90% below the water is the part we have to listen for. Leadership training must prioritise deep listening skills. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0DSG2F9WC  It's not just about HOW you listen. It's about how you RESPOND.
A 2020 Qualtrics study found that 92% of employees believe it’s important that their company listens to feedback—but just 7% said their company then acts on feedback well. However, engagement among workers whose companies acted on feedback more than doubled. If you want to learn more about effective lsitening and how it can improve your employee engagement: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0DSG2F9WC  Birthing a book is a long and arduous process! There are multiple moments of self-doubt, trepidation and questioning.
My goal in writing the book was to be helpful, and to be of service however possible. My father, who recently passed, was very involved in the local Rotary Club in Pennsylvania, and they always recited the four-way test at every meeting: Is it the truth? Is it fair to all concerned? Will it build goodwill and better friendships? Will it be beneficial to all concerned? To me this always resonated with the lesson I taught in Improv; Always make your scene partner look good. It’s not about an internal focus; it is about serving those around you. The goal of the book is to be of service. If someone found some small thing, anything, then I am happy. I am extremely delighted when my friend and colleague Nancy Bacon wrote a great blog post about my book. Check it out! https://nancybacon.com/listening/ And I received so many great statements from early readers – it was overwhelming! “Listening is about being truthfully present - not only with others, but with ourselves. This is the gift Andrew so skillfully and thought-provokingly unwraps in this book.” “Andrew hits a home run with this fun and practical guide to improving the quality of your relationships at home and at work through the power of deep listening.” I wrote this in the intro: Please tell me what you find out about your own listening style! The more I get to hear your experiences and stories, the more I get to learn about how the lessons and exercises work for you. Please share your experiences! Talk to me. I’ll listen. I am serious. I want to know. If for no other reason, than to know I wasn’t operating in a void. Thank you. I look forward to hearing from you.  The Ariel Group published an article about my book Listening without Agenda.
The Ariel Group develops powerful and authentic communication skills to drive better performance for leaders and their teams. They are an amazing training and coaching company I have worked with for a number of years. Snippits from the article: As you listen, your brain is constantly jumping to conclusions based on what you think you know rather than what’s being said. Andrew explains, “your medial prefrontal cortex [the right side of the brain] is always aware–listening, watching, seeing, smelling. The dorsolateral prefrontal cortex [the left side of the brain] works on categorizing all this data from the right side against what we already know.” - Once you begin categorizing, you stop listening. Unless you’re concentrating on listening, the categorizing part of your brain takes over and creates a narrative for you based on what you’re hearing–often a narrative that is different from what the other person is saying. Stay present by actively listening and resisting the urge to categorize or extrapolate meaning. Read it all here! https://www.arielgroup.com/how-to-be-a-better-listener/ |
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Mission: To create interpersonal environments where humans learn to be fully present in their possibilities, communicate in more authentic ways, and experience their limitless opportunities for innovation.
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